It’s the 17th of January, a week when all the resolutioners begin to drop like flies at the gym. I, on the other hand, had dreams of blowing the blog up this year. Unfortunately I am still on the slow track of one post a month, if that… Weekly post goals didn’t even make it into January.
I’ve set small goals for myself to achieve through out the year, though. Get better at photography. Hike more. Get in shape. Meet more likeminded people. At least I am hiking, 1 day in, or attempting to get on the mountain with 4 days in on the snow… measly numbers, but at least it’s something. But I’ve been at it alone.
Well, there’s not much snow here, actually. I am a little bit bothered by this as all I really want to do is have a great ski day, with friends. I also began instructing at a small mountain where not much in the way of growing friendships could go. My fellow instructors are all still in high school or just fresh into college, no money or drive to join PSIA for at least a level 1 certification. I fear that the age difference this time around is just too far. I should’ve gone with a larger mountain with more potential for adult acquaintances, who liked what I liked, to build friendships out of. There’s always next year.
I remember a few years back when I was skiing 2 days a week with a nice little crew no matter the conditions. And even two seasons ago I would throw caution to the wind and take days off work to go ski with a friend or two. That doesn’t happen anymore. I miss it. But relationships have moved on, and others have moved into relationships. The few friends I do have left are wrapped up in significant others, or married and beginning the home-life or consumed with children – that’s where our life-goals stop aligning. Yes, we can still catch up over coffee but your main “picture frame” is surrounding your child while my “picture frame” still has a map with a lot of destinations to push pins into. Neither one of us is wrong, our lives and great friendship just do not align at the current moment.
Maybe that is why I have lost friends as time passes by. We all get consumed with work, I’ve moved away and stopped visiting home so much while I build a life on my own here, in the middle of nowhere, where my only acquaintances are chiseled out of emails and phone extensions, emerging from a career and quick texts. I’ve built what I could, holding on to what I could. And then my best friend moved across the globe this year, so it’s hitting me hard.
I had feelings of this type of loneliness in adventure before but I sopped them up with a fluffy Aussie puppy to take care of and hike with. Now, I am trying to take steps to make friends this year as an adult. I joined Venture Outdoors, which provide local excursions in the Pittsburgh area. I am a bit far out from most trips but willing to drive, of course. There are some local ski clinics that I will definitely blow some money on. I will probably take a photography class or two. Have my eye set on some trips from Have Fun, Do Good and Outessa. As for my current friends that I am slowly losing touch with, I need to text or call people directly, as a Facebook status or Twitter post of “Who wants to go?” will never be reciprocated. Millennials.
Sometimes I think, do I do it to myself? Other times, I think, why do I have to reach out? Do I protect myself because the people who I am close to now aren’t really on my level, I hide my plans and just do things myself for fear of being ridiculed? How is this embarrassing? I think it is rather grand. But no one else has asked me to go on hikes or trips with them. It’s always me planning, and if I don’t tell them that I am coming home I will never get to see them. Maybe it’s my fault.
But then again I can’t go blaming the situation, or others and have a pity-party for myself. I have to put a smile on and invite people into this life I want to live. This is what happens when we are adults. I just wish more people were more excited to share it with me.